AI-illustration: The work filled the hours but not the room.
A friend sent me a Steven Bartlett post last week about being told you are “too much,” with a line of her own: you are extra and I cherish you for it.
I replied that I needed to hear it that day.
It did not start with Canary Compass. It started with a voice note. Daily market commentary for clients who wanted to understand the kwacha. That grew into a weekly note, then a podcast that found an audience across the continent. All of it from a desk with no research department behind it.
When I moved on and launched Canary Compass in October 2023, the focus was narrow. Zambia. Nobody with a platform was saying what needed to be said. I found out people were reading when I got something wrong and someone was sent to correct me. Doors opened that I did not expect.
I did not choose this lane. It was forced on me. And I did not appreciate it at first. I had years of market experience. Years of understanding the plumbing underneath financial systems. But the writing is what stitched all of it together. I just could not see the thread until it forced me to find it. The thing you did not choose becomes the thing you cannot imagine yourself without.
As I wrote about Zambia, the scope widened. The problems were not Zambian. They were continental. I had always believed in Africa’s rise. What I could see were dots, not connections. The writing built those connections. Africa’s rise will not come purely off hope. The architecture underneath is what delivers the aspiration.
Last week, a different friend sent me a screenshot. Someone I did not expect had been reading the work and said so publicly. It moved me, because it confirmed something I had quietly wondered about: whether the work was reaching beyond the people I could see. It is. Moments like those push me to chase higher standards. And this week I published the hundredth piece. A milestone.
I did not build that by being agreeable.
But here is what nobody tells you about building something like this alone. You set a standard for the work. The standard becomes the filter for everything else. Discussions that do not meet it become hard to sit through. Conversations that circle without landing become hard to stay in. You start measuring every interaction against the same bar you set for the page or the spreadsheet or the trade. And people are not pages. They do not revise cleanly. They repeat themselves and arrive at positions slowly. They need patience you have spent elsewhere.
I have written before about cutting. Leaving conversations, leaving groups, concentrating attention on what compounds. It worked. I save more time. I think more clearly. But I did not cut all of it. Some groups were too valuable to leave. And in the ones I remained, I still found myself building conversations at midnight that deserved a page, not a chat.
When you filter the noise, narrow the world, and fill every hour with the work, you look up one day and realise the space you cleared is not just quiet. It is empty. The discipline that protected your time did not replace what it removed. The work filled the hours but not the room.
I only noticed when it followed me home. The same standard I set for the work had reached my eldest. If I reached a masters, he must reach a doctorate. If I got there, he must go further. That is the African parental default: the firstborn keeps breaking the ceiling. I was placing more weight on him than on the others because that is what my father placed on me. I was not the firstborn, but I carried it forward. Somewhere between the expectation and the execution, I stopped giving my son room to be a child. I was editing him the way I edit a paragraph. The rigour had stopped being a professional mode and become the only mode I knew.
A friend told me recently that he had spent more time talking to an AI than to any human that week. The tools we use to think have become the company we keep. They never tire of us or push back the way a person does. They never leave the room. That sounds like the answer to everything I just described. It is actually the acceleration of it. Though recently one of them has started pressing me to go rest. Even the machine noticed.
I stepped back from commitments this year because I recognised I was no longer showing up as the version of myself those commitments deserved. That is not strength. That is the cost arriving. And it arrives gradually enough that you mistake it for focus.
The circle is smaller than I expected. That is not self-pity. It is accounting.
The same quality that earns trust at six in the morning when someone needs to understand a market is the quality that empties a dinner table by nine in the evening. Rigour is irreplaceable professionally. It is unbearable socially if it is the only mode you operate in. Both are true. Neither cancels the other.
The work will not hold you the way people do. But not just any people. The right ones. The ones who do not need you to be less. Protect your time. But do not empty your life to do it. The balance is harder to find than I expected, and I am still looking for it. I would make the same trade again. But I would be more deliberate about finding people who match the pace, rather than assuming the work would do that for me.
My friend was right. I am extra. And the people who stayed are the ones who can handle it.
I also joined a book club.